What a long, strange trip it's been ! Much closer to weight loss goal with my Low Carb lifestyle

March 26, 2015 -

159... into a new decade.

FINALLY !

I have not seen the 150's since pre pregnancy, 2001.

I was teaching aerobics in the evenings, was an Adjunct Professor at my Alma Mater University and therefore training close to 15 hours a week in cardio via spinning, kickboxing, hip-hop, step, power walking, strength training, ZUMBA. I was in great shape. Of course, still not happy with my body image or self. Could always be better, thinner, fitter, more defined and therefore happier.

At some point anyone who has struggled with weight reflects back to when they weighed their least but still thought they were "fat", and dreams of being back there again!

After baby No. 1, I continued teaching and training. I nursed a baby for 19 months (did not find it to be a magical weight reducing solution) and did get back down to a lean and muscular 160 ish. I was proud of my body for doing what it was supposed to do, grow a baby even though it took 75 lbs to do it, and then nourish that baby entirely for 3- 6 months. Not thrilled I could not get back down to pre preg weight.

I am below that now... whoa.

After baby No. 2 in which my body put on a solid 75 lbs again to grow, I nursed for 23 months due to a flu and the little one needing me + additional foods. I got about as low as 185, maybe 182, but never could go lower.

Life, death, and slight depression got in the way a few years later, and in the course of climbing out of that hole, my body held onto the weight a little longer than I might have liked. I had climbed back up the scale slowly, and sometimes without eating much of anything.

I am not sure what light bulb went off this time, or what actually made me say "today is the day" but it did happen.

I thought I wanted it before. I REALLY thought I wanted it, but couldn't wrap my head around doing whatever it took to stay on a plan and determine what that plan should be.

I tried other programs and meetings, workouts, and nutritionists. What always bummed me out was the people that were trying to help me had never seemed to have been in the situation or understand how helpless it felt. Miserable. Literally not happy in my own skin, which is a lonely and sad place to be.

I am back in those jeans I mentioned in an earlier blog. Jeans I wore after Baby no 1 and even before 2001. My leg just slipped into them the last time I tried them on and it totally surprised me. I had to take additional measurements as I couldn't believe it.

159...

My goal all along was to try to get to 145 ( a lean mean fighting weight on me) - 150 and be totally satisfied with that. I really didn't know if I would get there. But now I am even more determined to prove to my self I can get there.

Yeah me.